It’s the question that everyone wants to ask the person slowly gaining weight.
And whether they are judging or not: it hurts.
Because, well… We don’t know why.
And even if we do, there’s no way for us to muscle our way into better behavior without extreme discomfort and agony. And most of us over-eaters know that shedding the weight is no guarantee it won’t return to torment us again.
/le sigh/ So, why am I writing this blog-post? There’s no easy way to short-cut weight-loss techniques. There’s no surefire way to dig out of the hellhole.
But maybe, maybe, I’m not supposed to, yet.
Heck, while I’ve been down here— and mind you, I’m no expert, on anything really— I’ve been forced to take a good, long look around. Maybe you’ve had to, also.
Besides it being dark and lonely in Overeat Land, there are voices down here. Ourselves. And, of course, the critical voices of any others… And then there are countless feelings. Sometimes, those boogers are attached to memories. And that’s about the time I reach for another Oreo.
This is why I’m here.
I didn’t choose consciously to visit Overeat Land. Nor did I wish it (although they have alllll the cookies, which I love). I just ended up here one day. With lots of little visits prior, encouraging me that Overeat Land provides comfort and shelter from that which torments me.
Eeee, and just looking at that last sentence, I’m ashamed all over again. See, the goal of my life existence, is to have fellowship with God. That means that I want to look to Him for comfort and shelter. Even a five-year-old can see that my trusting food for comfort and trusting dessert for shelter is a bad idea. (They can tell you why, also, probably.)
Yet I’ve been doing it anyway.
But if I’m running to something for trustworthy comfort and faithful shelter?
Logic dictates that I’m running from something to begin with.
And maybe that’s why I’d down here in the first place.
All this time, I’ve might’ve used food for enjoyment or just a “high place” feeling… But at some point, I decided the hurt/fear/pain needed more medicating.
That’s when I moved to Overeat Land.
I’ve been praying for God to help me. “Get me out!” I scream internally. And, you know, get frustrated and madder, despair and get sadder.
I think maybe being down here is a good position by which to analyze up-close what all I’m running from.
Something out there chased me in here to Overeat Land, so I gotta figure out what.
Counseling is something I already availed myself to. And a Psychiatrist for meds. (Anxiety and depression like to kick me when I’m down, and now I say “No, sir!” at them like the bad, bad doggies they are.)
I journal (ow), I do processing art (rawr), I pray, quote scripture, and meditate on God’s goodness. I practice Calm Place and Container. I do EMDR with my Counselor and avoid my extended family to keep my life’s chaos to a manageable amount. I stay up-to-date with my church, even though I haven’t been able to go in over a year and miss them terribly.
I miss my life before I was gaining weight.
I miss being able to do more.
But, dang it, I’m not throwing away this opportunity to face what’s chasing me!
With all this stuff at my disposal, all these methods of self-care and more, I know I’ll be able to do this.
With God leading and my Support Team (my fantastic Husband, my chosen-Sister-Co-Writer, my small posse of trustworthy friends, and two mental health specialists), I can look at what’s chasing me, analyze, and attack back!
Sure, I don’t know what all I’m going to have to face.
I may have to have a period of grieving and mourning (I hate those), I may have to do some hard self-pride-breaking (ouch), or worse (maybe admitting I’m in wrong beliefs somewhere, etc.) but it will be worth it!
I don’t want to stay in Overeat Land!
I want to get my comfort and safe feelings from God, Who will never be like “earthly hugs” that try to strangle the life out of some part of us and then drag us further down. Hello.
I want to deal with this here and now, so I can be free.
If you relate to this, maybe you might want to start your journey, too.
I recommend a good counselor (one that makes you feel heard and understood.)
I recommend a good psychiatrist (again, one that makes you feel heard and understood.)
I recommend a few choice buddies that are kind and will tell you the truth. (Can’t find any? Try the local spirit-filled church. If a person is critical and “religious”, they ain’t what you need. Try to find someone who just loves Jesus. They’ll love you, too. You can also ask God to bring them into your life. I did!)
I’m rooting for you and cheering for us.
We’re done running.
Because we’ve been in Overeat Land too long.
We’re going to find what chased us here and do business, then we can see about the shakes or healthy eating thing. But no diets for me until the hurt/fear/pain is gone and dealt with.
I’m not afraid anymore.